Monday, June 7, 2010

My Observations on The South and Southerhoodness (Part 1)

NOTE: I have been keeping an ongoing record of things I've noticed about "The South" and/or don't understand about the "The South". This may include how "The South" is different and/or similar to Oregon and the northwest, or simply provide a platform in which I share all kinds of incoherent thoughts and ramblings which may or may not be the result of not having a job, a car or any type of normal human interaction.

Observation #1:
They think Oregon is Antarctica:


In the rare case where I actually talk to another human person from Georgia, they quickly discern I'm not from around these parts. When I announce that I'm from Oregon, the following conversation inevitably ensues:*

Georgianer: What part of Oregon are you from?
Me: Umm, I guess Salem. I'm originally from southern Oregon though.

Georgianese: Ok. So what do you think of Georgia?
Me: I don't know. It's pretty nice. It's different...(not sure what else to say...talk about scary crime rate? The cockroach that was in my kitchen? Decide instead to make a random comment about the weather). It's hot right now.

The statement that inevitably occurs next I have now heard many, many times.*
At this point, the Georgia person takes on this weird sense of pride and smirks at me like the Eskimo they think I am and begin to look around admiringly at their environment:

Georgiatonian: Oh you ain't seen nothing yet! It's not even July yet.
Me: yeah...I mean, I was just saying in general it's hot. Ya know, it gets really hot in Oregon too. I mean, I know we don't have humidity like this, but in southern Oregon we have weeks of over 100* weather.

Georgianiard: (no longer listening to me) Oh you just wait...

I get it. It's hot in Georgia. There is humidity. But Oregon isn't Antarctica. Sometimes I feel like Sarah Palin (which must be a desperate situation) and I want to say, "You know, [Oregon] isn't a foreign (tundra) country."

And here is why I don't feel the least bit sorry for anyone in Georgia about their heat: everywhere, and I mean everywhere, has air-conditioning. Every apartment we looked at, from the ghetto ones to the golf course ones where Tiger plays, comes standard with air-conditioning.

Eventually in one of these conversations I'm going to snap and say, "Really Georgia people! You think this is hot? Why don't you come live with me at my apartment in Saddle Club last summer when it was 108* for a week straight and we lived on the top floor of the apartment with NO AIR-CONDITIONING and I had to keep spray bottles in the fridge and repeatedly spray myself every 30 seconds until I was soaked with water/sweat. And at night time? It would drop to about 90*? And I would have to sleep with my spray bottles and spray water in the air long enough that I could eventually fall asleep only to be woken up 2 minutes later from overheating deathness and I would have to spray more water until my bed sheets would be soaked through and I would feel vile and disgusting. How about that Georgia!? Would you treat me like an Eskimo then? You people have air-conditioning everywhere. Everywhere!"

In conclusion, more "state" points are being awarded to Oregon for being super tough and making people deal with inclement weather changes without the help of advanced technology.

*This has been proven using the scientific method: question, hypothesis, experiment, results and conclusion.

UP NEXT: Wildlife

7 comments:

Mary-Anne said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! I still don't understand why Oregon doesn't have A/C. I thought I was going to die my first summer there. Literally die.

Kari said...

get 'em lynds! :) and by "'em" I mean georgia of course.

Karyn said...

Way to use the scientific method! This must be how you feel when I bake something.

It's strange--even in Chicago people would always say to me "Oh, well you must already be used to the winter here because you're from Oregon." Um, not even close.

Stephanie said...

Hi Lyndsey!! Just wanted to say I love reading your updates and looking at your pictures! Caleb and I say "hello" to Andrew too! I have a friend who came from Georgia to here and that's AAAALLL she talks about...they sure love their state, those Georgians! Have you made any friends? I will be praying you do! :o)
~Stephanie Louvier

BrownTown said...

Karyn -- I think a city or state motto might help clear up some of the confusion. Like, Chicago: The Windy City. It must be windy there! So maybe we could do Oregon: The State of Moderate Seasons with a Small Emphasis on Rain. Let's work on it.

Stephanie -- super good to hear from you! Are those people called Georgians? I still can't figure it out. I have zero friends in Georgia...but that's ok because we're moving again in 2 months. That way, I can have zero friends in a new location! Really, it's not that bad. I'm glad to see you have a blog too, even if you just updated for the first time in 2 years :) It's probably just a sign you have a real life -- but blog more so I can read about it!

Lyndsey

Karyn said...

How about:

Oregon, The State With Four Seasons, You Retards.

Does that come on too strongly?

I thought of one for Illinois. Illinois, The Rude State With Foreign Accents.

Kathy said...

Hey, beauty! Rachel is sitting slouched on my sofa, teaching me what a blog is all about. Do I get a "hip" award of some sort?